Conscientious Objector Day, Aunt Judde, & Fashion Tips

[singing rug] Hey, there Who's got two thumbs and two big toes and is making another video? Ah, crap

Why did I double knot these? Careful with the heels first Ah I need to lose weight again Alright, move on the floor This guy! [Wheezy beard intro] So today is Tuesday, May 15th

International conscientious objectors day Which is why I have decided I will not be performing any military duties The only duties I'll be performing are in the bathroom [laugh track] Wah, wah, wah [wah-wah sound] I have to clean off the counter after I brush my teeth and put my contacts in ["< yes, they're already in, but I still have to clean off the counter, is what I'm saying

Just stop thinking about it, okay? Have fun That's all any of us really want in this crazy life is to have fun, anyway Stop being your worst enemy We have Aunt Judde for that Who is Aunt Judde? Well, just keep watching and you may learn something

"] as, well as give my baby a bath later, so Responsibility So I'm trying to make videos every weekday again, Beardlovers

[applause track] I know, I know, let me know in the comments how big your smile is because of that Like, give an example, like, I smiled so big that the edges of my lips knocked out my dentist Probably shouldn't be watching this while at the dentist And I'm gonna try to get the videos up every early afternoon Not for any view optimization reasons, but because then i have enough time to watch judge judy

Not my aunt Judy Judge Judy's different Judge Judy represents the cold hand of justice My aunt Judy sucks For those of you don't know, aunt Judy is the bane of my existence

The Mr Freeze of my life of ease The Harley Quinn to my smarmy grin The Ra's Al Ghul to my "all is well, cool" The phantasm to my rad chasm

You may be wondering what my chasm is It's my skull Which houses my brain Get your mind out of the chasm Why is aunt Judy the batman villain in my life? Well, one time she told me some of my videos are boring

That's fine I'm over it I'm over it! Aunt Judy! [burning eyes] Ah! I think I accidentally used gasoline instead of saline again and flint instead of mascara Speaking of fashion, I have noticed recently that I'm turning into Craigdalf the White That's just something that happens when you age as you get older

Like a fine wine or a furry mold Whatever metaphor you want But i have a solution to this problem, which means it's time for faaaashion tiiiips [singing] Running with a passion, Looking for action The next place's at the bastion, The center of fashion

Fashion tips Tip of the iceberg {{inaudible}} Fashion Woooh! OK, fellas and lady fellas If you find yourself turning into Craigdalf the white, here's what you do [razor buzzes] Boom

[applause track] Thank you I caught it I dropped it like I was dropping the mic, but I had to catch it because i don't want to break it [singing] Fashion! Woooh! Thank you for watching Everybody who watched today gets a free loaf of bread

To collect your bread, go to your local Jimmy John's or Jimmy John's competitor's dumpster and you will find a loaf of bread in there, hopefully If you like what i do and you'd like to support me, click that like button or support me on Patreon, right there, linked there probably And consider subscribing, it's really cool to subscribe I know this because a lot of people aren't And the cool kids do the unpopular things

*wink* [subtitles by the Wheezy Waiter Wiki team]

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